Looking forward to the end of labels

Some people adopt labels because it gives them a sense of belonging to a group with whom they feel an affirmative affiliation. Which is perfectly okay if it's what you want. Some people use labels to demean others and make themselves feel superior. Which is not okay even if it is what you want. (No, there were not "some very fine people on both sides.")

I'm looking forward to the day when labels, especially regarding sexuality, will be obsolete because everyone will be accepted as a unique individual, without the urge to put one another into categories as though we're God -- if God were a 19th century German scientist. And it seems more and more people are beginning to see the light. For example . . . “Not everybody who has same-sex relationships is secretly gay.” Why should anyone be made to feel their sexuality needs to be a secret, regardless of what it is?


Loads of straight people are having same-sex sex

http://metro.co.uk/2018/04/23/loads-straight-people-sex-sex-7490872/

Rebecca Reid
23 Apr 2018

If you’ve ever had a same-sex experience, but consider yourself to be straight, then you’re not alone.

In fact, you’re in good company. According to research released in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, 25% of women who’ve had same-sex sexual experiences consider themselves to be straight.

The research examined just over 24,000 undergraduate students, and of that 24,000, a quarter of women and 1 in 8.5 men, have had sexual experiences with people of their own gender, but don’t consider themselves to be gay or bi.

The study’s co-author, Arielle Kuperberg, explained that same-sex experiences don’t ‘make’ you homosexual, saying: ‘Not everybody who has same-sex relationships is secretly gay,” says co-author Arielle Kuperberg, Ph.D., director of Undergraduate Studies in Sociology at The University of North Carolina at Greensboro, who has written extensively on student relationships. “There was a big disconnect between what people said their sexual orientation was and what their actions were.’

So, if it’s not because you’re gay, why would you hook up with someone of your own gender?

The study found that there are two main reasons: experimentation and performance.

Experimentation occurs when people – especially young people – want to try something new. Even if they enjoy the experience, they don’t consider it to have changed their sexual identity.

So called ‘performative bisexuality’ happens when people (usually women) enjoy sexual contact with other women because of the attention that it garners and the arousal that it provokes in others.* It’s more about reaction than the actual act, which is why people who experiment with performative bisexuality don’t usually consider themselves to be genuinely gay or bi.

The great thing about your sexual orientation is that you get to pick how you label it, if you label it at all. There’s no obligation to define yourself in a specific way if you don’t want to, and no-one else can tell you which title is the ‘right’ fit for your sexuality.

* * *

* Specious at best, IMO. Here's a link to the study in question...

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10508-018-1194-7

Str8 Dude Discovers Buttplay

For the first time, it says . . .

 

 

https://youtu.be/yf8_pyKz1iY

Grab Bag Sunday

I've known the "Whisper" confession app is out there but never read many until now. To me, reinforces the idea that sexuality is fluid (pun intended) . . .

Spooning & Bromance

Spooning for success: Over 95% of straight male college athletes admit to cuddling their teammates in bed

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• Researchers found that 97.5% of heterosexual, male British college athletes have shared a bed with another

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2618085/Spooning-success-Over-95-heterosexual-male-British-athletes-admit-cuddling-teammates-bed.html
 

By MARK PRIGG

Published 1 May 2014

Researchers have found that the majority of male athletes spoon each other when sharing beds with their teammates.

Researchers found that 97.5% of heterosexual, male college athletes have shared a bed with another man and 93.5% admit to having indulged in spooning.

Researchers say the athletes even spooned with others who were not necessarily close friends.

The researchers say the behavior is common among athletes as they travel and shower together, but is common among all young men - although tapers off with age.

The study, published last month in the Men and Masculinities journal, was conducted by two researchers at Winchester and Durham Universities, who questioned 40 University athletes.

'In addition to cuddling, participants also engage in ‘spooning’ with their heterosexual male friends,' Eric Anderson and Mark McCormack wrote.

'Highlighting the prosaic nature of bed sharing for these participants, most indicated that it was not necessary to be close friends to share a bed with someone.'

One of the participants said the act was simply one of friendship.

'I love a quick cuddle, just so you remember your friends are about and are there for you.'

Another said: 'I feel comfortable with Connor and we spend a lot of time together. I happily rest my head on Connor’s shoulder when lying on the couch or hold him in bed. But he’s not the only one. The way I see it, is that we are all very good and close mates. We have a bromance where we are very comfortable around each other.'

The researchers say the behavior is common among athletes as they travel and shower together, but is common among all young men - although tapers off with age.

'Outside of an undergraduate setting the numbers are likely to be far less,' Anderson told Vocativ.

'While we know, definitively, that it is a regular occurrence among 16- to 18-year-olds in addition to university students, it is not likely to exist whatsoever among 40-year-old men,' he says.

'This is both a function of the homohysteric culture that 40-year-old men experienced in their adolescence, as much as it is a function of the fact that 40-year-old men go home to sleep in bed with their spouses.'

Experts say the study reflects changing attitudes to male sexuality.

'We argue that the expansion of esteemed homosocial behaviors for heterosexual men is evidence of an expansion of changing conceptions of masculinity in contemporary culture, the researchers wrote.

Some of the interviewees even admitted they had no problem with their bedmate waking up with a morning erection.

'We don’t give anyone s**t anymore,' said one.

* * * * * *

And how about these bromances? Click and read. Sweet!

Avengers: Tom Hiddleston & Chris Hemsworth

https://www.buzzfeed.com/lyapalater/chris-hemsworth-and-tom-hiddleston-are-the-hottest-bromance?utm_term=.mtOYaMxKYq#.yazzQw5JzG

And from Hunger Games, Josh Hutcherson and Sam Claflin . . .

http://www.mtv.com/videos/movies/978792/did-sam-claflin-and-josh-hutcherson-share-a-kiss.jhtml#id=1717115

http://pjatobeth.tumblr.com/post/69927084332/jam-hutcherflin-its-a-full-blown-bromance

And a few more . . .

Straight Men Getting Comfortable With Guys Kissing Them on the Lips?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-alvear/are-straight-men-getting-_b_5215633.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices

Are Straight Men Getting Comfortable With Guys Kissing Them on the Lips?
Mike Alvear
Author, How To Bottom Like A Porn Star. The Ultimate Guide To Gay Sex.
Posted: 04/25/2014 6:57 pm EDT

As my team made a compilation of the funniest "gay kiss" GIFs we were surprised at how many straight guys made our list. And how violent their reactions were. In fact, there were so many that we had to re-title it, "12 Man-On-Man Kissing GIFs That Went Terribly Wrong."

The most shocking GIFs were the ones of straight boxers who kissed their opponents on the lips as a way to provoke them into making mistakes (shocking because of the violence that ensued). That's kind of a neat twist when you think about it: Using homophobia to beat your opponent.

But not every straight guy gets outraged when another man kisses them on the lips, and that's where our entertaining list could be seen as a sign of how comfortable hetero men are becoming about being around gay guys. Some of the GIFs on our list show straight guys whose only reaction to a surprise lip-lock was a shoulder shrug, and in one case, to kiss back! If GIFs had been around ten years ago, I seriously doubt we'd see that kind of nonchalance.

Wouldn't that be great -- to kiss your straight male friends on the lips hello or goodbye the way you do your gay friends? If our list is any indication, we're not that far off. With the exception of a few violent or negatively charged reactions, the overwhelming number of GIFS we looked at --whether or not they made our list -- showed straight guys taking a lip kiss in stride. Of course, some of those GIFs were taken from TV shows like Modern Family (example: Clare's husband Phil gets kissed by a gay friend) but that proves my point: In the past, TV wouldn't have shown a man-on-man kiss, and they certainly wouldn't have shown a neutral or positive reaction to it. But today it does.

One of the reasons we were excited to see so many GIFs with neutral-to-positive reactions from straight men is that those GIFs not only reflect a growing acceptance of gay men; they help to create that acceptance. Here's how: Psychologists have known for years that building acceptance (to anything) requires not just "modeling" actions (like a male-on-male kiss) but the reactions to it as well.

In other words, what good would TV do us if it showed lots of male kisses with nothing but violent and abusive reactions? The audience would "learn" that the proper response to a male kiss is a strong left hook.

In modeling, not just a kiss, but neutral-to-positive reactions to it, these GIFs are showing straight guys that the appropriate reaction to a gay-man-on-straight-man kiss should be the same as a straight-woman-on-gay-man kiss: Unwanted, but no cause for alarm.

Martin Luther King once said, "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice." Who knew that GIFs would help do the bending?

Michael Alvear is the author of the gay dating advice series, How To Meet & Attract Hotter Guys.

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