Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Little Bieber

This has got to be a parody, right? Weird even for one of those crazy fuckin' Creeschians . . .

Selena Gomez Not Impressed With Justin Bieber’s Little Bieber

Haywood Bynum III | TopekasNews

An embarrassing moment for Justin Bieber last night after Selena Gomez interviewed with George Lopez. National studies have long indicated that dangerous psychological disorders and substance habits like self-touching, steroid use and pot-smoking lead to smaller size of the male member over time.

Justin Bieber suffers from Narcissism disorder and has allegedly smoked pot leafs quite frequently, so by the study’s trends we can tell Bieber must not be so well endowed. Selena Gomez confirmed the worst of our thoughts: she purported technically slept with Justin Bieber over three times, but cannot consider herself ‘deflowered’ because of his petite size. His procreation muscle was simply not big enough to go all the way, and all the things we constantly warn youngsters about are to blame for his shortfall.

I want to take a moment to talk to young men in college out there, who may be reading this bit of celebrity news. You are likely sitting in your dorm in your boxers, enjoying your weekend and maybe planning to get into some fun activities tonight. You are at a great point in your life: you have a great future with a high paying job and a loving wife coming your way. Just do not blow your chances in college.

There will be liberals who say, hey, ‘try a stick of pot’, or, maybe try to get you to take steroids or ‘self-touch’ to relieve tension during tests. They will try to claim that this is natural or normal behavior. None of those behaviors or normal; they are illegal. And at some point, someone took a young, innocent Justin Bieber and told him the same thing. Look where that got him: this cute young woman dumped him, just because he could not keep her pleased.

The effects of the Deadly Three (Self-Touch, Marijuana, Steroids) on your body will be damning. The data indicate that with just 4 to 6 illegal tugs down below, you can see your male member go from a healthy 11 inches to a shameful six inches. George Lopez is certainly amused by Justin Bieber’s shortcomings, and with Selena Gomez’s fresh and frank discussion on their bedroom life.

Though last night’s interview was quite damning, it reveals what we have long understood about Justin Bieber. He is suffering from dysfunction, but it is not himself to blame. It is because he poisoned his body with immoral choices and drugs.

In the internet picture above, we can see a new young woman is trying to seduce Justin Bieber. She is doing the “Psy Gangnam” position, something I hear tickles the fancy of you youngsters this day and age. While procreation should be saved for marriage, a normal young man should be looking and being turned on by her hard work. Yet look what we have here: Bieber is confused and looking away, maybe at the endowed package of a man who is all natural and keeps his body filled with only pure, legal food and drink.

Not even with her bright turquoise bikini, her young, gentle muscles gently rippling with perfection can this brunette-haired maiden excite the loins of Justin Bieber. He is just not capable of being attracted, because his libido has been destroyed by the greedy actions of his own hand and marijuana destroying is dopamine award pleasure center.

Relationship psychologist E. Wentworth first recognized and coined the disorder ‘Marijuana-Induced Erectile-Dysfunction’ (MIED), and with today’s generation, its incidence is being seen in alarming quantity.

1 comment:

whkattk said...

Unfortunately, I think this guy is serious. I wish I could believe it's satire, but considering where this originates (Topeka, KS - home of the asshole Phelps family cult) and his declared profession...

People like this should scare the shit out of anyone with a brain...