Just came (not literally) across this article that I'm sure is meant to be parody. Right.
Josh Hawley Had A Poster Above His Bed In College. It Was A Gay Poster.
The New York Times has a big Cletus safari this week what focuses on only one Cletus, namely seditionist shitbag a-hole GOP Senator Josh Hawley. It is about many things, mostly how everybody hates Josh Hawley and Josh Hawley is the worst.
But it includes this detail, about Hawley's time in college:
Above his bed he hung a sepia-toned poster of a shirtless male model cradling a newborn; when asked by classmates, he said it reflected his fervent stance against abortion.
Oh REALLY? Let's find out what poster that is.
That photograph -- "L'Enfant" by Spencer Rowell -- is a pretty well-known poster, especially if you are around our age or Hawley's age. (We are the same age.) We knew people who had that poster. Seriously, LOTS of people had it. Pretty sure we have owned that poster at some point. As we remember, it was a gift.
FROM OUR GAY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME.
And yes, pretty much everybody who had that poster had it to remind them how much they hate abortion. Putting it above the bed? Well if you can't hate abortion in bed, where else can you hate it?
LOL just kidding, so everybody who had that poster had it because they just fucking LOVE hot shirtless dudes. For some people the fact that he is holding a baby just makes the dude EVEN sexier. And if the person who had that poster was a man, well, listen, grandma, your grandson has something important to tell you, and it is that he is
gay gay gay gay gay gay gay "pro-life."
And look, we wouldn't care otherwise, but do y'all realize how insanely homophobic Josh Hawley is? How he derailed a Trump judge appointee because that guy was too nice to gays because that guy was representing a city's nondiscrimination ordinance at the time, because he was the city attorney?
Just kinda odd for a guy who's viciously, evangelically anti-gay to have that poster of famous male model NoShirty McSexNipples above his bed in college.
Anyway, Hawley's spokesperson says he doesn't remember the poster but he definitely remembers how much he hates abortion, like GRRRR! And no, we don't know what the senator has above his bed these days to remind him how much he hates abortion like GRRRRR!
The article includes other fun anecdotes of people saying Hawley is the worst and that they're very disappointed in the wet garbage he's become, trying to steal elections for wannabe dictators who order terrorist attacks on the US Capitol and whatnot. The Times talked to over 50 people! It's like an episode of "This Is Your Life," except very few people have nice things to say!
Like his prom date:
"I've been very disappointed to see who he has become," said Kristen Ruehter-Thompson, a close friend growing up who was once Mr. Hawley's prom date.
And his middle school principal:
Even his middle school principal, Barbara Weibling, has weighed in. "I'm not surprised he's a politician and that he's shooting for the presidency," said Ms. Weibling, a vocal supporter of Democrats. "The only thing is, I think he had a strict moral upbringing, and I was really disappointed he would suck the country into the lies that Trump told about the election. I just think that's wrong."
And the Black classmate whose hair he used to pull:
"We played around after school, and I remember him pulling my hair after history class, that's what I remember, so it's so bizarre," [Andrea Randle] said. "Me and my friends have talked about it, even over Christmas. Was he always like this and we didn't know?"
The article draws a line through Hawley's upbringing by some real strict fundamentalist Christian types, including a Rush-Limbaugh-loving dad; the shit he wrote when he was 15 after the Oklahoma City bombing by white terrorists, about how militias aren't all THAT bad; how he signed his eighth grade yearbook with "variations" of "Josh Hawley 2024." (Been telling y'all he's the cosplaying "Handmaid's Tale" commander who wanted to come after Trump for years now. Sounds like he's had 2024 in mind for a minute!)
For the record, Hawley's spokesperson said any stories about Hawley signing yearbooks like that "sounds like revisionist history," and "how about they produce a hard copy." But his prom date and his music teacher and also the girl whose hair he used to pull, they all say he did that. We reflexively believe them over his spokesperson, who also issued that lame-ass denial about the softcore porn-bortion poster above.
Anyway, eventually Josh Hawley went to college and he put the poster above his bed and now he wants to use his brand of right-wing populism to destroy American democracy, first for Donald Trump, and next, for himself and we guess for whatever sicko version of the Christian god he worships.
Oh yeah, the Times also has some quotes from people Hawley went to Yale Law with. And people he knew when he was attorney general of Missouri. And when he ran for the Senate.
Sounds like he sucked at being a human all those times too, the end.