A definitive ranking of Irish slang words for penis
From worst to best.
IRISH SLANG SHOULD always be cherished for the original and bizarre creations it often presents.
And there is no finer example than the array of words it has for the male member. So, from worst to best, we have:
9. Wire
You won’t be turning any heads by using it, but the oft used phrase “pulling the wire off yourself” means this lovable term deserves some recognition.
8. Shillelagh
The shillelagh is an old wooden walking stick that also substitutes nicely as a decent penis reference. Whilst not exactly well known, shillelagh deserves kudos for its old timey feel, transporting you back to a bygone age of penis references.
7. Schlong
This is most associated with Ireland through its fictional county Schlongford. This is a solid, if unspectacular, choice.
6. Willy
You won’t win any prizes for originality – but it’s a solid slang term that will never let you down.
5. Mickey
The best thing about the classic ‘Mickey’ is the often hilarious accidental double entendres associated with the famous Disney character.
4. Wavin
An Irish-branded twist on the classic ‘pipe’.
Construction terms have never been so universally known.
3. Langer
Perhaps ‘langer’ is best known for its Cork usage to mean a bit of an eejit - but it’s still recognised nationwide as a perfectly acceptable word for penis.
2. Flute
So close to getting the top spot. ‘Flute’ adds a musicality to the otherwise boring and dull penis substitute words. It really paints a picture.
1. Lad
Easily the best option.
Not only is it succinct, it’s also universally known when used in the right context.
